My 10-point solution to Wenger

Byline: Sport's most controversial columnist Piers MORGAN

ONE of my favourite TV shows as a kid was Mission: Impossible. It had TV's greatest ever theme tune, and smart, sophisticated plotlines that made it the 24 of its day. Sadly, the star of the show, Peter Graves, who played the impossibly cool Jim Phelps, died last week, just before his 84th birthday in Los Angeles.

And as I scoured all the papers in LA for the obituaries, my mind turned to another Breguet Replica Watches apparent Mission: Impossible -- Arsenal's Champions League clash against Barcelona.

I'd like to pretend that I've been interested in anything else sportingwise this week. But that would be like that old gag about Abraham Lincoln's wife being asked after she watched his assassination in a theatre: 'Apart from that, Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?'

The truth is that ever since the draw was announced, I've been unable to sleep properly. I go to bed at 1am, and start seeing these horrific monsters bearing down on me -- Henry, Ibrahimovic, Bojan, At their sides, their powerful little warlords Xavi and Iniesta. And in the centre, Lionel Messi, the planet's most dangerous creature since the multi-spotted Maradona.

And I see no logical way out of the impending destruction and humiliation heading Arsenal's way.

But that's not how Jim Phelps would have seen it. For him, there was no such thing as Mission: Impossible. He'd have worked out a way to beat them, once he'd received his orders:

'Good morning, Jim, Your mission, should you decide to accept it, involves the theft of an apparently inevitable victory by the enemy, known as "Barca". You may select any 11 team members but it is essential that they all possess a big heart, a vast pair of lungs and the ability to scrap like polecats. As always, should any member of your team be caught napping at the back, or killed on the break, then the club will disavow all knowledge of your actions. You have 48 hours to work out your operation. This message will self-destruct in five seconds.'

I reckon Phelps would have come up with this 10-point plan:

1 Target Valdes. If there's a weak link in this team, then it's the gaffeprone keeper. He can't deal with 1 crosses, is erratic with long shots, and is so bad he's currently Spain's fifth choice goalkeeper. Arsenal must pepper him like an underseasoned rib-eye steak.

2 Attack the wings. Alves is a brilliant forward-charging full-back but he often leaves space at the back. So keep Arshavin high on the left flank. Maxwell is just as attacking as Alves but he doesn't have the energy. Stick headless chicken Walcott against him, Replica Tag Heuer Watches with simple-tounderstand (has to be very simple in Theo's case) instructions to run him ragged.

3 Whip endless, quick crosses into Bendtner. Barca are not a tall side, their defence is vulnerable to aerial assault and the Dane's good with his bonce.

4 Song must play as a sweeper in front of the back four, in the way Gilberto Silva did so successfully for years. Barca's offensive line-up is the best in the world, so we need reinforced defences.

5 Wind up Ibrahimovic. The Swede's a whiny, temperamental type, who must be getting thoroughly narked about Messi getting all the goals and all the glory. A frequent whisper-in-the-ear reminder of this fact is vital.

6 Show Thierry Henry the one thing he
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My latest Idol, Adam

AMERICAN Idol runner-up Adam Lambert popped into my office this week. We talked Gaga, Madonna and how the gay rising star coped with US uproar over his saucy performance at the American Music Awards.

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Adam, whose debut album For Your Entertainment is out May 3, says some Americans took offence at a dance move which included a simulated sex act. "But let's be honest," he adds. "Madonna Oris Watches did worse on stage how many years ago. She made me appreciate raw sexuality in performance. There are so many people in the States so ashamed and fearful of sexuality. I don't get it."

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You can watch my chat with Adam at blogs.mirror.co.uk/ showbiz- dean-piper

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Leeds United Beckford on a fre

You cannot tell me that Grant Holt failed to draw that conclusion when he trailed in 28 places behind Jermaine Beckford and 15 in front of Jordan Rhodes.

* Click here for latest Leeds United news.

FourFourTwo, the magazine responsible for compiling the list, would say that the beauty of the exercise is the opinion it divides.

The nomination of Beckford as League One's player of the year was liable to do that, an indisputable award in one sense but prone to the argument that countless goals do not a good footballer make.

* Click here to watch the latest edition of The Boot Room.

Whichever Bulgari Replica Watches view carries most weight, he deserved to be considered.

* Click here to visit the Leeds United webchat page.

Describing Beckford's nomination as a travesty, as one national radio pundit did on Monday, showed ignorance of a division with a finite pool of talent.

* Click here to take a trip down memory lane with our Leeds United action replay.

There are relatively few professionals in his class and fewer still with his prospects.

* Click here for read the latest views and opinions of our Leeds United columnists.

The broadcaster in question argued that Beckford was "not even the best player at Leeds United".

Some in Replica Ulysse Nardin Watches Leeds would enjoy that debate but it does nothing more than split hairs. He is patently one of them and has been for three seasons.

Establishing a hierarchy in the Football League, from the most gifted player to the least, identifies the sport's high-value traits. Goals are football's strongest currency, explaining why Leeds United's leading scorer was one of six League One strikers in the list of 50. Playmakers, too, have a certain magnetism. As predictable as Beckford's selection was the appearance of Wes Hoolahan, as complete a footballer as this division will see.

Arriving at a final roll of 50 players is not a scientific process but on the basis of appeal alone, Beckford's ranking is appropriate. Arguments to the contrary should dive into League One's barrel and search for candidates more likely to play in the Premier League next season.

They will not come up with many.

More authority on this discussion is given by a figure in the mould of David Moyes, a manager who is heavily rumoured to have agreed in principle to take Beckford to Everton in the summer. It is a great mark of the striker's reputation. That he may go from Leeds for nothing this summer should be a source of severe regret for the club responsible for elevating him to the Football League.

Plans are afoot at Leeds to make Beckford a final contract offer before he empties his locker at Thorp Arch, but the club do not anticipate a positive response. If Everton's interest is as wholesome as it sounds, his soul-searching will be brief. Leeds did no so much gamble on Sexy Leather Lingerie losing him for nothing as guarantee that they would when the club rejected a bid of A[pounds sterling]1.8million from Newcastle United two months ago.

The fact that Beckford is out of contract in June serves to attract a club like Everton. Even he would accept that Premier League managers attempting to sign him are taking a punt. Beckford has never scored in the Championship and never played in the Premier League. Nor is he without flaws.

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Leeds United Shane Higgs ready

The 32-year-old is refusing to give up hope of a dramatic return to United's starting line-up after an appearance for the club's reserves on Wednesday night completed his recovery from a serious thigh problem.

* Click here to watch the latest edition of The Boot Room.

Higgs ended five months of struggle with a 90-minute outing against Lincoln City's second string Sexy Clubwear at Elland Road, and he declared himself ready for an immediate first-team recall with Leeds attempting to close out their bid for automatic promotion from League One.

* Click here to visit the Leeds United webchat page.

United's summer signing from Cheltenham Town began the term as Grayson's first choice but he was struck down by a thigh injury in September and has not played in a senior fixture since October 19.

* Click here to take a trip down memory lane with our Leeds United action replay.

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Casper Ankergren stepped in to replace him and has played in all bar one of the club's last 34 matches, and his consistent form has given Grayson a crucial dilemma over which keeper to use during the League One run-in.

* Click here for read the latest views and opinions of our Leeds United columnists.

United's begin their last 10 matches at home to Millwall on Monday night.

Higgs said: "I've missed a huge chunk of the season and I've had to take that on the chin but we've got 10 games left and promotion still needs to be won. I feel like I can play a part.

"I don't expect to get my place back but I'd like to think that the manager will seriously consider me on the basis of what I did previously. It puts a thought in his mind for the Rado Watches next game because I've played for the reserves and felt comfortable.

"Casper's played in more games than me and bigger games than me, and he's not going to let me back in without a fight. But you have to be selfish in this game and there's only one place to play for. I want it back, definitely.

"After what I've gone through this season and the massive down of five months out, to help finish off the season and win promotion would make it all worthwhile."

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Timely tribute

KELSO company Abbey Tool and Gauge prides itself on the loyalty of its staff.

And, for the sixth time, it has Sexy Lingerie rewarded a member of staff for 20 years' service with the presentation of a Rolex watch.

Last week the company paid tribute to Adam Roxburgh, a production engineer with the company since leaving school.

The watch was presented by company proprietor Graham Reid, who thanked Adam for his dedication, commitment and loyalty over the past two decades.

Those attending the presentation included Adam's mother, who had encouraged him to apply for an apprenticeship 20 years earlier.

Loyalty is something clearly important to Adam, who despite being a Scottish international rugby player at the time of the rush Jaeger-LeCoultre Watches to professionalism in 1997, opted to remain with Abbey Tool and Gauge.

During his rugby playing career, the international flanker was capped seven times for Scotland, with the first of those coming against Australia in 1997.

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Abbey Tool and Gauge arranged for Adam to base his work around his rugby commitments which often included overseas tours.

Adam, who will be continuing as a member of the Kelso rugby coaching team at Poynder Park next season, told TheSouthern: "It's great to have 20 years of work and dedication recognised. Abbey Tool and Gauge made it possible for me to fulfill all my rugby ambitions and still have a career to come back to."

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Tiny snow drifts close model s

SNOW is drifting up to the top of windows of houses in one Cotswolds community.

But no one needs to be rescued because it is the model village at Bourton-on-the-Water.

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The world-famous 1/9th-scale replica of Bourton, in the garden of the Old New Inn, is blanketed with nearly 10ins of the white stuff.

The 1930s tourist attraction, which even has a miniature River Windrush, working water mill and stone bridge, may look like a Christmas card - but no one can see it because it has had to close.

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Owner Julian Atherton said: "We're open every day of the year except Christmas Day, but it's been closed since Tuesday because of health and safety.

"It's such a shame as it brings Rolex Replica Watches so much joy to people. It is one of Gloucestershire's busiest tourist attractions. All you can see is the sides of some buildings "We've started clearing up and hope to re-open by Tuesday, unless it snows again."

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Blades are Scotland's most use

KNIVES and other sharp instruments were the most commonly used murder weapons in Scotland in the last two years, according to figures released yesterday.

Blades, including knives and swords, were used to attack 58% of victims in 2008-9, up from 48% the previous year.

Hitting and kicking someone to death was the method used against 10% of victims, and 8% were either poisoned or struck with a blunt instrument, the study said.

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The figures released by the Scottish Government also revealed the number of Sexy Leather Lingerie murders in Scotland fell by more than 15% last year and that more than a third of the perpetrators were on drink or drugs at the time.

The accused were mostly men aged 16 to 30. Of the 96 victims where an accused has been identified, 84% were killed by someone known to them.

Strathclyde had 59 homicide cases in 2008-9.

Detective Chief Superintendent John Carnochan, Head of the Scottish Violence Reduction Unit, said: "We need to change our attitude to alcohol.

"While alcohol itself does not make people violent, it lowers inhibitions, so people are more likely to take risks that lead to them becoming a victim or an offender."

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Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill said: "Hand in hand with action on alcohol we are taking tough measures against those who carry and use knives. Jail terms for knife-carrying have increased by a third."

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Black Cats boss hails Torres a

SUNDERLAND manager Steve Bruce made no attempt to make excuses after watching Fernando Torres inspire Liverpool to a comfortable 3- 0 win .

The Black Cats were blown away by an outstanding Liverpool display in which Glen Johnson scored in between two quality strikes from Torres.

The match was over as contest by half-time, when the Wearsiders had fallen two behind after failing to register a single shot on target.

That was in stark contrast to Liverpool, who recorded nine of their 15 efforts on Craig Gordon's goal before the whistle had blown for the interval.

"Difficult is an understatement, " said Bruce. "Sometimes you have to hold your hands up and say you are beaten by a far better team, today was one of those days.

"We Swiss Army Replica Watches showed resilience in the second half because it might have been embarrassing.

"Liverpool had a wonderful start. When Torres and Steven Gerrard are in that sort of mood it is very difficult. We were beaten by a very, very good Liverpool team.

"It's a wonder goal, the first.

We maybe missed the first header from the keeper's kick out. But Torres is a class act and when he plays like that, the enforced injuries have left him as fresh as a daisy at this stage of the season.

"He is a fantastic centre forward. You have to hold your hands up. How do you stop him?"

After the third goal had gone in Bruce, a former Manchester United centre-back, was subjected to humourous chants from the Anfield Kop.

Liverpool's supporters likened the Sunderland boss' head to a beach ball, which brought laughter from him as he sat in the dug- out.

And Bruce, who was planning to see Rafael Benitez after speaking to the press to discuss the Liverpool manager's January interest in Kenwyne Jones, saw the funny side.

"I have not seen him yet, I will see him though, " said Bruce. "As for the Scouse humour? I am getting used to it.

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Today's their day.

"I will take it as a back handed compliment, I have to take my medicine and disappear with my tail between my legs. I will have to try to come back, with a smaller head."

Liverpool have closed the gap on Tottenham, occupants of the final Champions League place, but Benitez has urged his players to carry yesterday's display into the remaining matches of the season.

Torres and Gerrard were among a group that was told by the club's chief executive Christian Purslow that there will be investment in the squad once a deal with investment company the Rhone Group has been concluded.

A couple of hundred Liverpool supporters stayed behind in the Kop to protest against co-owners Tom Hicks and George Gillett yesterday.

Benitez, though, wants to concentrate on the race for fourth and a place in the Champions League.

He said: "We know we have to keep going and it will be difficult. The players have confidence and if we can play at this level in more games we will win more games and it will be close."

There are fears on Merseyside that Torres will leave if Liverpool fail to finish fourth and reassurances do not arrive during the summer.

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BRUMOS IS BACK Jacksonville-ba

DAYTONA BEACH - Brumos. Porsche. Daytona.

History.

Sports-car racing's past, present and future were served Sunday in an epic finish at the Rolex 24 Hours of Daytona when Brumos Racing returned to Victory Lane.

Brumos and Porsche, once the legendary combination that set the standard for endurance racing, proved to be flawless throughout the marathon at Daytona International Sexy Clothes Speedway. A dramatic pass in the final hour by pole-winner David Donohue ended a seven-lap, side-by- side, nose-to-tail, battle with Juan Pablo Montoya and gave Jacksonville-based Brumos its fifth overall victory as an organization and its eighth win in class.

"Brumos has a long-standing tradition of success," Donohue said. "We kept sticking to it by getting things organized. That's how they win races. The truth is in the results."

Members of the winning team, which included Darren Law, 2004 Indianapolis 500 winner Buddy Rice and Antonio Garcia, received a new Rolex. The importance of the effort, however, was worth so much more.

"We came up with a real efficient package," Donohue said. "The emotions ran high. We've been at the bottom of the barrel for a while. I've said Brumos Racing has a lot of tenacity. We came ready to run hard. The point of running hard all the time was to win the stupid race. We ran our tails off the entire time."

The last time Brumos won at Daytona as a team was in 1978, with early team frontman Peter Gregg, Rolf Stommelen and Antoine Hezemans. The last time Brumos won a race in the Grand-Am Road Racing Series was 2003.

Brumos has been at Daytona since sports cars started racing endurance races there in 1962.

The victory for a Porsche engine was the first since 2003 and only the second win in the past 18 years.

Now they're both back on top.

sexy high heels "The success of the 58 car is shared with the 59 car," Hurley Haywood said after finishing third in another Brumos car. "It's a combination of a lot of work. We had a big gap before we got competitive again. This is a win shared by everybody."

Donohue became the third son to follow his father's footsteps to a 24-hour win. The others were Al Unser and Al Unser Jr. and John Paul and John Paul Jr. Young Donohue's win came on the 40th anniversary of his father's victory.

The No. 58 Porsche-powered Riley prototype car was running third when it made its final pit stop with 64 minutes to go. It came out of the pits in second, passing the No. 59. After that, the only car in the way of Donohue was the Lexus-Riley of Montoya. It took seven laps - and more than 10 attempts - but Donohue finally made the pass coming through the tri-oval at the finish line, passing on the outside and out-braking Montoya into the hairpin first turn. Once Donohue got out front, he kept it there.

"We had good top end, but you really had to know how to use it," Donohue said. "We really had to plan it. We couldn't drive by. I had to seize the opportunity. Our teammates were the hardest one to pass. It really was a two-car team."

Montoya, along with Scott Pruett and Memo Rojas, settled for second, about 20 yards behind. The No. 59 Brumos Porsche of Haywood, J.C. France, Joao Barbosa and Terry Borcheller was third.

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Bruins need a spark with playo

I spent considerable time the last few days watching and listening to hockey games emanating from Boston.

The University of Maine Black Bears were quite inspiring in their pursuit of a Hockey East championship, first with their semifinal win over Boston University and then by battling Boston College into overtime of their championship match.

But ultimately the best team won, with BC securing the Hockey East crown and the league's automatic berth to the NCAA Division I tournament.

As for Maine, second place in the tournament wasn't good enough. While New Hampshire and Vermont earned at-large bids to the NCAAs, Maine came up empty - a victim of its inconsistency throughout the winter.

Yet their play in Boston over the weekend seemingly deserved a better reward - which may come next season.

Then there are the Boston Bruins, who would earn the eighth and final Eastern Conference playoff berth if the NHL postseason began today.

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But you wouldn't know it by their effort in one of their most anticipated games of the regular season against the Pittsburgh Penguins.

That game was 11 days removed from their previous meeting, when Pittsburgh's Matt Cooke blindsided Boston's Marc Savard with a shoulder to the head that gave the Bruins standout a concussion that will sideline him for the rest of the season.

The Bruins did not retaliate during that game, so expectations were great that they would come up with an inspired performance in honor of their fallen star the next time these teams met.

Sure enough, five seconds into Cooke's first shift of the rematch, Boston's Shawn Thornton found him and punched him to the TD Garden ice surface.

That was about the last sign of life from the Bruins in Replica Accutron Watches a thoroughly lackluster 3-0 home-ice loss.

After the match the Bruins had the excuses ready, that several players had flu-like symptoms, and that once Thornton had extracted revenge much of the night's emotion vanished.

Neither excuse was good enough, particularly for a team many believed at the start of the season could contend for the Stanley Cup.

Maybe the Bruins should watch a few University of Maine tapes.

- Ernie Clark

Patriots will not let issues linger for long

Another offseason, another Super Bowl victory party being planned by overzealous fans of the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets...

Yes, the green-and-white delusions of grandeur were inflamed before the offseason even began after New England lost big in a lackluster and listless effort against Baltimore and a New York Jets victory in the first round of the playoffs.

The easily excitable Jets fanatics had their irrational division title dreams further sparked by the signing of talented-but- troubled cornerback Antonio Cromartie and fading star tailback LaDainian Tomlinson.

Meanwhile, Patriots fans had to content themselves with less flashier re-signings of regulars like Vince Wilfork, albeit one of the best defensive tackles in the game, linebacker Tully Banta- Cain, corner Leigh Bodden, offensive lineman Stephen Neal, and all- purpose back Kevin Faulk.

"Where's the marquee free agent s
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6 years for thug in pub 'glass

A PINT glass-wielding thug who attacked a man leaving him blind in one eye has been jailed for six years.

Robert Ritchie claimed that when he struck Scott Martin in the face he "forgot" he had the tumbler in his hand.

Ritchie told a jury that he had been forced to lash out as he was frightened ... but CCTV film captured him "looking relaxed" seconds before the violent incident.

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The 24-year-old was back in the High Court in Glasgow after being convicted of assaulting Mr Martin to his permanent impairment.

Judge Sean Murphy QC said a significant jail term was inevitable for the "catastrophic" consequences of the attack.

Drunken Ritchie had been at the By The Way bar in the city's Baillieston on March 15 last year having earlier watched an Old Firm match on TV.

He pestered visitors to the East End pub and Mr Martin later confronted him.

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At closing time, Ritchie, of Woodhall Avenue, Coatbridge, stood outside the bar with Mr Martin and friends nearby.

The pair appeared to exchange words before CCTV cameras recorded Ritchie striking Mr Martin in the face with a pint glass.

Ritchie then fled as his victim staggered away bleeding heavily.

However, he returned armed with a sword which he ditched when he spotted police who later arrested him.

Mr Martin was treated in hospital and, due to the severity of the attack, had to have his left eye removed.

Dad-of-one Ritchie claimed during the trial that Mr Martin had been aggressive towards him.

He added: "I knew that I had to get him away. I just lashed out. I forgot the pint Cartier Watches was in my hand.

Ritchie denied that he had been "looking relaxed" before the attack and instead said he was "terrified".

The prosecution said Ritchie had "launched" himself at the victim adding he could have easily run away before an assault.

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6 Haitian orphans land in Miam

MIAMI -- Six Haitian orphans completed a whirlwind journey Wednesday when they landed in Miami and were united with their new parents, four days after Haitian police seized them and sent them to a tent city because of fears they were being kidnapped.

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"They're very calm," Sabrina Sosa of a children's home helping with accommodations said. "I guess they're still in some kind of shock."

The orphans were headed to the Port-Au-Prince airport Saturday when a group of 20 men blocked four women accompanying the children, shouting, "You can't take our children!" Police briefly detained the women, and the orphans -- ages 1 to 5 -- spent three nights sleeping on the ground in a tent city. The U.S. Embassy official carrying the documents needed to take them through immigration had been running late.

The children were with their adoptive parents and being bathed and fed a typical Haitian meal of brown beans, chicken, rice and plantains, said Sosa, of His House Children's Home.

Fears of child trafficking have made it harder than ever for impoverished Haitian children to be adopted. Last month, 10 U.S. missionaries trying to take a busload of 33 children to the Dominican Republic without proper documentation were arrested. It turned out none of the children were orphans, Replica Bedat & Co Watches and two Americans remain in jail in Port-au-Prince.

A judge hearing their case said Wednesday that he expects to decide their fate this week.

In a case involving an orphan rescue organized by Pennsylvania Gov. Edward Rendell, the federal government has asked the American Red Cross to trace the family ties of 12 children among 53 flown to Pittsburgh on Jan. 18.

University of Pittsburgh Medical Center consultant Leslie McCombs said the children all had documents signed by at least one parent and Haitian court officials surrendering custody. But she said they didn't have American families waiting for them, which was part of federal guidelines established the day those children left Haiti.

Thousands of desperate Haitian parents, unable to care for their own children, have eagerly given the youngsters away in hopes of giving them a better life. At the same time, they are terrified they will be tricked by predators who will enslave or sexually abuse the children.

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Haiti's government immediately halted new adoptions in the chaos that followed the Jan. 12 quake, allowing only those already approved to move forward.

In Miami, two awaiting parents, Josh and Katy Manges, had been in the process of adopting 2-year-old Malachi since he was a few months old. Born with a deformity in his thigh bone, the boy was abandoned at a Haitian hospital when he was just a few weeks old.

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Apprentice bags

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appointment viewing

REAL LIFE: BRITAIN'S BIGGEST SPENDERS

TV One, Wednesday, 9.30pm

If there's one thing other than a love of shopping these four big spenders have in common, it's that they are all extraordinarily unattractive. Sweaty, perma-tanned and cosmetically enhanced to nauseating proportions, each has found money an effective way to (barely) disguise four very sad, insecure souls. But who can't shop their way to happiness? Bentleys, Dolce & Gabbana suits, dog outfits, Rolex watches, Botox, eyelashes, collagen, yachts, Marbella mansions - even a whole village in Bulgaria - these big spenders will stop at nothing to be, as the jumped-up, pumped-up Manchester car and property magnate Scott Alexander reiterates "NO 1" (he has it tattooed on an arm). Also featuring a wealthy divorcee, a music publishing phenomenon and a very in-debt Jordan wannabe stripper, this show is a cringing look at why money can't buy you love.

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BATMAN BEGINS

TV2, tonight, 7.30pm

One of the best things to happen to the Batman franchise was Christian Bale. Aside from being luscious, muscular eye candy, his seriousness (to George Clooney and Michael Keaton's pastiche versions) adds weight to the films and makes for more than a cookie- cutter action hero. Going back to how Bruce Wayne became Batman in the first place, we meet Liam Neeson (reprising his Obi Wan Kenobi mentor role), teaching Batman ninjitsu. Unfortunately Bale isn't helped by Katie Holmes's glossy one- dimensional love interest attempt (who can compare to Maggie Gyllenhaal now?) but not even a Scientologist can harm the best Batman to date.

WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?

TV One, Tuesday, 8.30pm

You know our country's made it on to the world stage when we get our own version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire? The world's most popular game show is hosted by shaggy-haired Mike Hosking, and it's going to be a thrill to sit and shout at the telly, especially as there'll (hopefully) be no questions on English lakes and Australian mountains. Don't worry if the questions get too hard, Hosking is there for you. "You're there to an extent to be their friend," he said of the contestants in a recent interview. "Because it's not just about money, it's about the stress and pressure." How reassuring.

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PRIME ROCKS: THE MONKEES

Prime, tonight, 8.30pm

Yes, we know, 1960s' musical sensations The Monkees were a manufactured Beatles knock-off band, strapped together by TV producers and backed by session guys. Hence their nickname, the "Pre- fab Four". But who cares? Their best songs, "Pleasant Valley Sunday", "Steppin' Stone", "Mary Mary", "Last Train to Clarksville", are timelessly brilliant pop. This doco chronicles the band's deeply ironic fight to be allowed to play on their own records.

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THE FALLING MAN,

Sky Crime & Investigation

Thursday, 7.30pm

The most distressing aspect of the live TV coverage of 9/11 attacks was the sight of people jumping to their deaths. Terrified and helpless, many people chose to take back some power over their own situation and end their lives early. The footage was so upsetting it was never replayed, until now. This documentary takes as its starting point a famous photo of a man j
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Burglars snatch valuables

COMPUTERS, cameras and jewellery has been stolen during a burglary.

A Rolex Watches house in Abbots Road North, Humberstone, Leicester, was broken into between 5.30pm and 7.30pm on Friday.

Items stolen included two Acer Aspire laptop computers, an Apple iPod Touch, a Canon Powershot digital camera, a Samsung digital camera, a two-carat diamond ring, a Sony PSP console and games, a designer watch and a Juicy Couture gold necklace with a small pink Replica IWC Watches cupcake pendant on it.

Pc Catherine Thompson said: "Some bank cards were also stolen from the property, which the offenders have tried to use to purchase goods.

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"Fortunately, the cards were cancelled as soon as the incident was discovered and no money was withdrawn from the accounts." Call police on 0116 222 2222, or Crimestoppers, anonymously, on 0800 555 111.

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Burglar told he could be jaile

Burglar Thomas Sussex has been warned he faces prison for breaking into a house in the Bideford street where he lived.

Sussex, 28, of Moreton Park Road, was due to be sentenced at Exeter Crown Court on Friday but the case was adjourned to next month.

Sussex had pleaded guilty to burglary at an earlier hearing at North Devon Magistrates' Court in Barnstaple.

Prosecutor Alexander Allsop Sexy Leather Lingerie was not required to tell the court about the circumstances of the case on Friday, as it was adjourned.

But the burglary charge at the magistrates' court stated that Sussex had burgled another house in Moreton Park Road, in an incident on February 12 this year.

He had stolen a hi-fi, two watches, a wallet, cash, deodorant and sunglasses, of a value unknown.

Recorder Sarah Munro QC adjourned sentencing until Friday, Sexy Dresses April 9, at the crown court hearing on Friday.

She said: "The probation service was not able to prepare a pre- sentence report as they did not have any documents from the Crown Prosecution Service and there is the added complication that the defendant has not had legal representation."

She said that she was delaying sentencing so probation officers could have the paperwork they needed.

She asked Sussex: "Are you happy to do this case on your own, or would you rather have legal representation?"

He replied: "I'd rather have Sexy Clothes legal representation."

The judge ordered that the Crown serve the necessary papers to the probation service.

She told Sussex: "Just understand, the fact that I'm ordering a pre-sentence report doesn't mean you won't go to prison.

"Dwelling house burglars nearly always go to prison."

He was remanded in custody until his next court appearance.

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